The Tall Grass Can Wait

The lawnmower is broken, so we headed into Columbus today to visit with our nephew and his lovely bride-to-be.

Actually, it’s not that cause-and-effect. We would visit our nephew and his lovely bride-to-be whether the mower was working or not. But we’re at that point in the season when we keep a closer watch on the skies and hope against all odds that it rains during the week while we’re at work. When a dry Saturday rolls around in mid-spring, it sometimes means making hard but understandable choices between time spent with family or being up to our knees is mature compost, a fistful of seed packets tucked into the back pocket of our jeans. A sunny weekend on the land is worth it’s weight in the future carrots we’d like to plant without having to dodge the downpours. In our early days here, we’d invite those beloved family members to come spend the day (we simply imagined them being near, honest. It wasn’t some covert attempt to con them into giving us free labor) and soon they’d be gloved and walking behind us with armfuls of straw to cover the tender ankles of our fifty-some tomato seedlings. We consider it the pinnacle of good fortune and grace that they still agree to come visit us at all.

That’s how it is when you take on a section of acreage miles away from concrete and convenience. The minute we step outside, there’s a project in every direction, and each one is jockeying for that position at the top of the list. We could almost hear the grass begging for a haircut, but the combination of rain and weariness at the end of our respective work days kept the mower dormant in the barn all week. Patrick grew restless seeing the grass getting taller until he finally had the time and energy to start the mower Friday night and nothing happened. After an hour’s worth of mechanical attempts, restlessness turned into outright audible frustration (still catches me off guard how sound travels across the acreage here. A well-placed bit of profanity moves easily up the slope and around the back of the house when I’m taking the laundry off the line) until it was clear the repair was beyond his reach. Might as well pack the car for the market, then, and be grateful for an evening spent together on the couch.

The invitation to spend Sunday afternoon with Robbie and Collin was offered earlier last week and with such enthusiasm, it was impossible to resist. This would be yet another fully vaccinated and unmasked encounter with two people we love and missed sorely these past fourteen months, and if that wasn’t enough, we’d be treated to a delicious meal from the restaurant they’d chosen to cater the wedding reception. We drove into town and opted for carryout orders to take back to their apartment. Since the place was close, we walked through the neighborhood to pick them up.

Both Patrick and I knew the area well, having each lived there in our pre married-to-each-other lives. The slate sidewalks had shifted over time (real toe-stubbers if you’re not paying attention and near impossible to navigate on a bicycle), and the narrow brick streets rumbled beneath the tires of passing cars as we walked past closely-packed houses with barely two feet of space between them. A gorgeous and varied array of irises stood proudly in front yards, their long ruffled-edge petals fluttering in a sun-warmed breeze. One young man was taking advantage of both the sun and the slope of grass in front of his house, using it in place of a bench to press two twenty-pound weights over his head and shoulders while his roommate swept grass clippings from the path leading up to their door. I looked over my shoulder at Patrick, walking behind Collin and me, and caught his eye. Don’t worry, honey. We’ll be raking up grass clippings of our own soon. I promise.

A flood of pleasant memories washed over me as we made our way back to the apartment with our food, taking a different route through alleys and back streets that butted up against the boundaries of the park where I used to ride my bike most mornings. I’d log fifty miles round trip on a path that touched the banks of a river and dripped buckeyes from the trees in the fall. It all came rushing back, that time in my young adulthood when being on my own was precisely what I preferred and I happily paid the bills that sealed my independent way of life. Looking back, I remember feeling content in my circumstance and unable to imagine making any sort of serious commitment to someone else (of course, meeting Patrick was a variable I’d not factored into my future as a happy single person. Let me state freely and with great joy: I have no regrets). Now here I was walking beside my beloved of nearly twenty-eight years, behind two young ones about to step into a similar understanding with each other, in a setting that held different memories and images for each of us. I let the significance of the moment sink in and grow roots as deep as the ones beneath the oak trees that towered over our heads, their freshly unfurled leaves rustling and whispering promises of a cheerful summer filled with more reunions, more hugs and more walks in familiar places.

A broken lawnmower’s unexpected gift to us…

(A word about the sign in the photo that accompanies this reflection—Collin made sure we stopped to read it, filling in details about when it was first posted and how the good residents of the neighborhood wanted simply to record this Big Squirrel’s activity. No hunting expedition resulting in a trophy stuffed and mounted on someone’s mantle. Just a gentle and friendly acknowledgement of this relative’s presence among them. I call that good form and feel confident that if we ever did need to return to a more urban setting, I’d feel safe coming back here and living out my remaining days in the company of such kind and curious hearts. Sometimes, you can go home again).

On the Side

Two 6’ folding tables, a 10’x10’ canopy, a green antique wooden stool and a folding deck chair, two 18-gallon totes plus two Wegman’s reusable shopping bags filled with ten bags each of eight flavors of granola, eight one-pint mason jars of flavor samples (only to look at, not to taste), one canister of Clorox wipes, a 16oz bottle of hand sanitizer and two weary adults.

It’s impressive what can fit in a Hyundai Kona and rattle on down the driveway at 6:25a.m. on a chilly Saturday in May.

Welcome to farmers’ market season!

For nineteen weekends between now and the end of October, Patrick and I will haul ourselves to the charming old town section of a Columbus suburb and set up in a parking lot across from an ice cream parlor to sell the granola we make in our kitchen. We’re trading the luxury of sleeping in after a week of 9 - 5 at our full time jobs for the kind of encounters and conversations that only a farmers’ market vibe can offer. Babies in strollers and cheerful dogs walking their humans from stall to stall, it’s more than worth the effort.

It was Patrick’s idea (which is hilarious in a way, since he owns the night in our relationship and I’m the annoyingly perky morning person) four years ago to take the granola recipe I’d been making for decades and tweak it into a menu of flavors that the good folks of Mt Vernon might be willing to hand over money to eat. Start small we thought, in a familiar place like the town square and see where it goes. Of course we’d have to do the whole research and development thing, so on a trip to Tybee Island several winters ago, we tested recipes in the kitchen of the condo we rented, making note of the ratio between dry and wet ingredients, baking temperatures and duration, and resolved once and for all the “stir/don’t stir after baking” debate. On the drive back home, we finalized the menu, mapped out the business plan and tried on a few names: Bowl o’ Granola (nope, sounded too much like “ebola granola”); GranolaLab (kinda scary and too synthetic-sounding for a product enshrined in the natural food genre); CrunchMasters (what is this—an exercise machine or yogurt topping??). We finally landed on Scoop o’ Granola (again, Patrick’s idea) and worked with a talented graphics designer, Allie, and the team at PrintPro in Columbus to create our current logo, run the labels and make the signs.

We debuted three flavors—Tropical, Chocolate Strawberry, and Chocolate Raspberry—displayed in a repurposed wooden drawer we spotted at the Habitat ReStore, all resting atop an old saw table covered with a cotton drop cloth flecked with natural brown fibers. We had tiny paper souffle cups filled with samples and a painted vintage wooden chair nearby in case one of us needed to sit down between sales (it also added to that made-at-home look). The smiles we wore genuinely on our faces kept any doubts under wraps (will they really like it? Really?) as the sun shifted its way across the morning sky, warming market patrons’ heads as they browsed about, looking for rubber-banded bundles of rhubarb and the season’s first strawberries. The Chocolate Raspberry drew folks in and a young father with two children in tow bought the first bag. Inspired, I blurted out “we’ll have a new flavor next week—Blueberry Almond!”. Patrick shot me a sideways questioning look as our inaugural customer replied “I look forward to trying that!”.

We sold seventeen bags that first day, and Patrick had tears in his eyes most of the way home. Since then, we’ve created over forty flavors, many based on customer recommendations, including a wood-fired bourbon maple that only rolls out in late summer.

Standing beneath our tired but sturdy canopy yesterday waiting for the opening market bell (triangle, actually, clanged to life by one of the market’s most enthusiastic volunteers), a parade of side gig memories (I’m not fond of the word “hustle” here) marched to the surface in somewhat chronological order, offering a broader view of the many ways we’ve tried to marry additional needed income with the pursuit of a new hobby or skill. To date, we have raised and sold goats, chickens and Bourbon Red heritage breed turkeys for meat, and sold eggs from our modest flock of laying hens. I’ve done take-home piecework for a large textile company, made and sold soft sculpture dolls, and steered my own consulting business. Patrick has served as a self-employed patient advocate and made commissioned wood-turned artwork while I sold antiques from two brick-and mortar stores and on eBay. None of these private enterprises (alongside our salaried weekday employment with office doors and health insurance) made us rich or eligible for retirement at an early age, but they did keep a few wolves from snarling at the door on more than one occasion and gave the gentleman who does our taxes a good deal of filing entertainment. In a world where context is a moving target, we’re both rich and struggling depending on one’s global or local vantage point.

Are we restless? Fidgety? Perhaps, or more simply, we’re just a couple of lifelong learners paying close attention to a well-cultivated creativity as we keep an eye on the home budget’s bottom line. One doesn’t always overshadow the other consistently, and we’re hopefully humble and decent enough to feel a rush of surprise when someone wants to put their hard-earned money into our hands. It’s gratitude more than laughter that accompanies us all the way to the bank most weeks. Toss in an element of enjoying being our own bosses and I think that’s pretty much the whole foundation of our extracurricular income pursuits. The stories we’ve collected as a result are more valuable than the good night’s sleep we traded to acquire them.

A few recent circumstances have put us in the hard place of taking on some new debt that has set our spines a bit straighter lately. It’s not dire but neither is it ideal. We can see the financial edge a few inches from our toes and have revised our definition of comfort. We still have enough to eat, nothing is in danger of being repossessed and the cats are excellent mousers, taking some pressure off the household grocery bill. I think we’ll be ok.

In the meantime, the house is filled with the aromas of baked vanilla oats and cinnamon. On a chilly day that won’t see a high even close to 50, that’ll do for now.

Of Hugs and Gentle Surprises

In a perfect combination of timing and elements this morning, a bee zipped underneath my right walking boot just before my foot made contact with the dewy grass. From my towering vantage point 5’ 2” above, I couldn’t see if she wiped her little bee brow with relief—maybe she didn’t even notice me at all, just figured that passing shade over her wings was a benign cloud on its way to somewhere. In that split second of near-miss, a thousand futures hung in delicate balance. We—the bee and I—unwittingly settled on the delivered outcome and kept moving into our expectations for the day. Patrick slept through it all, having tucked us all in with a late night round of prayer in the lodge.

Just another spring morning ‘round these parts where we try so hard not to miss the little things that live alongside the bigger things.

I hung laundry last evening under the glowing watchful eye of sunset, trusting that the gray clouds in the north hadn’t noticed what I was doing and that the breeze from the south would smooth the wrinkles out of the bedsheets on its way to blowing the seeds off the spent dandelion blooms in the field to the east. As I headed out the back door this morning, I saw one of the cotton clotheslines had snapped, leaving those clean sheets and a few t-shirts draped across the mint patch, clothespins hanging on for what looked like a valiant struggle as the whole enterprise tumbled to the ground while we slumbered. So I’d start my morning walk seven minutes later. What harm is that? When I remake the bed, I’ll be giving those sheets a good shake to set free any stray grass clippings still stuck on with dew-glue.

Yesterday was another one for the books. We joined my fully-vaccinated sister Peggy and brother-in-law Rob for lunch at their house, but we weren’t in the garage this time, talking across 6’ and more of concrete pad and space heaters as we have been for other gatherings these past 13 months. We got to walk into their home, through the kitchen and onto the screened-in porch after some much-anticipated embracing that went on for what seemed like glorious hours. As if that wasn’t enough, we sat down to a lovely new spring dish invented by our nephew-in-law, Tyler—slender grilled asparagus in place of pasta, topped with a creamy feta Alfredo sauce (we wisely accepted the offer of both forks and spoons). For the first time in more days than I’d care to count, I felt safe and just about normal. Soon enough, we were standing around the work island in their kitchen like Old Times, chatting, catching up on our news and laughing out loud. It wasn’t as if the pandemic hadn’t happened or wasn’t still going on. Quite the contrary. We all knew full well where we’d been and the burdensome weight that others still carry on their frontline worker or grieving family shoulders. With poignant respect, we heeded the advice given by those whose beloved are no longer within arms’ reach: tell your family you love them. Hug them while you can. A few more blinders came off as we recommitted ourselves to a life where less and less is taken for granted.

Earlier yesterday morning, Patrick and I stopped by the farmer’s market where we’ll be selling our granola this summer. We delayed our start by one week, giving us time to put the finishing touches on all the prep work (signage, plans for a safely-distanced yet warm set-up for customer engagement, testing the PayPal card reader). An opening day walk-about was part of the plan, to scout out where our stand would be and get a feel for the foot traffic flow. Turns out we’ll be setting up in a parking lot space right across from the Graeter’s Ice Cream shop (ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching nirvana. Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare to land right in the lap of your wildest dreams), AND two stalls away from the vendor who does knife-sharpening. If they were giving away free kittens I couldn’t have been more delighted. Top it off with the observation that everyone we saw had their masks on properly, right down to the toddlers toddling along beside their parents, clutching little canvas tote bags waiting to be filled with market treasures. Sweet.

I don’t know what your particular circumstances are, dear reader, and how you notice the unexpected joys that weave their way through your day’s challenges and contentment. I only hope that you do notice them when they come through and let them land safely in that place of tender appreciation in your heart. The headlines will always be blaringly harsh but maybe a lucky bee on its way to gathering pollen from some generous blossom will catch your eye and pull you in, keeping the news right-sized for that split second, that perfect moment of timing and elements.

Wait for it. It’ll come.

Getting Reacquainted

What’s left of the apple tree behind Patrick’s woodturning studio resembles a hesitant bride unsure of her decision, her blossoms scattered among the remaining branches that survived a winter’s worth of windstorms and heavy wet snow piled on like sandbags for weeks. I was lucky enough yesterday to catch the scent on the tail end of a southern breeze, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply as the delicate aroma became part of my very cells. What she lacks in blossom volume she more than makes up for in olfactory impact. Once again, the power of trees within reach of my hungry senses.

I’m fully vaccinated now, and a few days past the two-week period to let all the immune system fortifying dust settle, which means I’ve moved out of the home office and back into the official brick and mortar that is headquarters for my paid work. I also went into the local grocery store for the first time in over a year, Patrick by my side, feeling a bit like Leonard Lowe in Awakenings after his first successful (albeit temporary) dose of L-dopa. Everything looked strange and new, brightly colored and overwhelming with reassuring reminders of the familiar mixed in to keep me from dashing back to the car. It was a last-minute decision to even go in, prompted by the empty space in our freezer where the Klondike bars reside (looks like we answered that product’s jingle-y question).

It’s natural, then, to begin the internal comparative dialogue, weighing the pros and cons of a somewhat locked-down existence with being (somewhat) released back into the wild. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

I’ve been an introvert for much longer than I would have admitted, despite all evidence to the contrary prior to the pandemic.

“Resilience” is now a firmly anchored and easily accessible word in my vocabulary. I’m still figuring out how much I can handle. Quite a lot, it seems.

In the course of a workday’s workload at the home office, I appreciated being able to rise and log on early, quickly hang laundry between meetings, and have my own sweet and fully-functioning kitchen one floor below where lunch came directly from the fridge or the oven, not an insulated lunch bag with an ice block underneath last night’s leftovers packed in Tupperware.

On average, working from home, I gave my employer an additional ninety minutes of my time each week, watching my salaried hourly rate drop like a stone. The once-blurry line between work life and uniquely sacred home rhythms is coming into sharper relief again, and the word “relief” is the most appropriate one I can find to describe that. Much as I love what I do, the lessons of boundaries and self-care have since been recalibrated with humility and great joy.

I’m a well-hydrated person no matter where I work. At home, though, I got more exercise making multiple trips downstairs to use the facilities (restrooms at headquarters are right around the corner from my office). I shall recommit to a few more laps around the building on my way back from the copier and the mail room to make up the difference.

I will deeply, deeply miss the Work From Home Extremely Casual dress code.

My workday companions used to be sycamores, snowfall, laughing crows and wolf spiders, all getting about the daily business of their respective agendas while I tickety-tapped my way through rough drafts, virtual meetings and phone interviews. Not once did I take their presence for granted. With a quick glance over my shoulder, there they were, standing tall, drifting aimlessly before landing on the porch, flying over the grassy slope to the barn and crawling across the corner of my laptop’s keyboard. Back in my windowless office eighteen miles from paradise, I ache in their absence and try to drive home at a reasonable speed to see them again. At the same time, it’s lovely to hear Pam’s laughter through the wall that divides our offices, and see Christin’s smiling eyes above the top of her mask as she greets me and other visitors at the front desk.

Walking through a couple of aisles in the grocery store last Friday, I reaffirmed my preference for curbside pickup and general indifference for the entire shopping experience. I’ve dabbled in retail therapy now and then, but have come to land in a more spartan place when it comes to Things. All that carefully planned product placement at eye level has been wasted on me. I shall not grace the cover of Impulsive Reckless Consumption anytime soon. But I will still smile and chat happily with the young clerk moving my purchases from the conveyor belt into the bagging area. We must remember the communal value of pleasantries exchanged with strangers.

It’s all still unfolding, dear readers, this adjustment to the next layer of the pandemic that continues to trudge through our lives. I satisfied my curiosity about what the grocery store checkout would look like with its plexiglass barrier and faded floor sticker indicating the 6’ mark between customers. I have made peace with the placement of my facemask and can go for hours without touching it at all. I’ve filled my memory bank with indelible and intimate images of the land evolving through four seasons, noticing the small and subtle changes to her face, a privilege most often reserved for the fully retired, and I’ll unpack those memories sitting at the round table in my office eating lunch from an insulated cooler bag. I’m now a slightly less hesitant apple tree in spring, battered a bit and missing some branches after the rough winter, but still putting forth blossoms in hopes of a fruitful summer. No complaints either about Patrick being the only other human being I’ve hugged for the past thirteen months. Up until yesterday, that is.

We visited with Patrick’s sister, Molly and their mother, Joanne, yesterday, one of our many bi-weekly trips to town with food for their freezer. There we were, all fully vaccinated and masked, standing outside in their driveway, enjoying the hostas and purple creeping phlox emerging from the mulch. Patrick and Molly were deep in conversation near the garage doors and Joanne was telling me about her recent visit to the salon when she suddenly raised her arm and offered an elbow tap, saying “we can do this now!”. “Would you like a hug?”, I asked, and she closed the space between us without hesitation. As my arms encircled her, I registered the smallness of her shoulders and committed to memory the significance of this moment. She would always and forever be the first person I hugged in thirteen months other than Patrick during the pandemic. After a few moments, Molly would become the second.

Whoever is third, I intend to keep track of ‘em all.